We really need to talk

We really need to talk,Christine Daniels-Mike Penner

I know this letter may be very difficult for you to read, but I need to understand if this relationship is still a healthy choice for me. I need to make some hard choices in our relationship much as I had to make when I came out of the closet and lost it all.

For a long time, there has been a connection between the LGB and the T. I remember Stonewall when my sister threw the shoe at the police and start the Stonewall LGB Civil Rights movement. You were so proud of me that day for standing up for us all! It was an amazing day and the dawning of a new age. You always used to ask me for help, and you knew I'd never turn you down. 

I know you kept telling me that you don’t understand gender identity, but I was willing to wait since you had promised to learn about me. I trusted that over time, you would become the advocate for me that I’ve been for you. I kept thinking that sooner or later, you would understand that I am living in squalor, abused by my family and friends, and the horrific murders of my sisters and brothers. I thought I would see you at Transgender Day of Remembrance to honor your family members that have been brutally murdered. I looked!!! I waited for you to come!!! And yet, my expectations only resulted in another serious disappointment. Now don’t get me wrong, a couple of you showed up. I think it was literally a couple… two…

It seems you are totally embarrassed by me. I know that not everybody in our family understands us, and that many are scared of their own identities, but really, your silence is painful for me. You see, this year, I needed to have your support in full force so that I could get a job and feed myself and not be homeless and starving. Instead, you turned your back on me and went and advocated for Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and then you throw the “T” on in your advertising. I was closeted for years in the military with no hope of coming out and being honest with all. I served honorably and wanted to serve in truth. Instead, you never uttered a word to protect me and they threw me out calling me ‘mentally ill’.


My relationship with you is in tatters. My hope of you understanding me has been strained. Yet you come to me and beg me to lobby for your equality in marriage, in military service and health care. And because I love you, I go! I come out and speak to legislators, I endanger myself in public rallies, I suffer the abuse by the police when I get arrested with you for standing up for your equality, and yet, when I desperately need work to feed my children, where are you? All I receive is Silence.

You promised you would stand by me. I know at the time it seemed that you wanted to be a true sister and brother. But I have to ask myself today, why I should stand by your side when you continually breaking your promises to me. 

Chaz BonoI have truly had enough disappointments in my life when my biological family threw me out into the street, my wife or husband divorced me and took my home that I worked all my life for, my friends calling me hateful names and my children refusing to speak to me or allow my grandchildren to visit. I’ve had enough pain when my employer refuses to let me go to the bathroom that is safe, or simply fires me for no other reason than being true to myself. You see, I can’t remain silent in my employment. I have to look different to be who I am and everyone knows. You stay silent and hidden and never even offer a word of encouragement or go talk to the boss to help me. I’ve been to my siblings’ funerals who commit suicide due to the horrible pain that we suffer. I can’t blame them for stopping the pain, and I often wonder if I should join them with such a pitiful example of support that I get from my adoptive siblings! (By the way, I haven’t seen you at the funerals either)

So, I really have to question our relationship today. Standing at your side has been very painful for me and I’ve paid even a higher price right alongside you. 

So, I have to ask you today, are you willing to come help me get a job through and stand up for me with the Employment Non-Discrimination Act? Will you put as much passion into my needs to feed myself, my children and have a place to live with dignity? Because honestly, I can’t keep standing by your side, getting injured, maimed, murdered and abused without our relationship being drastically changed.


Your Transgender Siblings.

P.S. For those LGB that have loved me and stood by my side - I love you very much and will stand by you willingly and happily. But maybe you need to have a heart to heart with your siblings too!


*Editor's Note: The author of this opus wished to remain anonymous but the message is clear. The homosexual and bisexual community has ignored the transgender community for far too long. 2012 is the year the evangelicals and conservatives will and have attacked them and we can't let this stand!

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