Crowing Pains—A Chick, I Say, A Chick-Fil-A Headache, Son!

 

You would think that someone with the name Dan Cathy might be dressed in a Tutu, wearing roller skates and princess crown and had a magic wand in his sweaty palms as he skated down a crowd at Gay Pride,Dan Cathy's Alter-Ego tapping them on the head as he wished them a happy life.

But the only thing in that description of Mr. Cathy that is accurate is the sweaty palms because he runs a highly successful chain of “finger licking good” chicken restaurants that he believes are being run by Jesus and the Bible.

And I say to thee that Jesus went to the one basket of chicken filets and then there were many to feed the hungry crowds of rednecks who would hear his words as he addressed the Muppets that did dance in front of those baskets in joy!

Oh, wait! The Muppets are walking away, too! I guess they just don’t dig Jesus in a Brooks Brother’s suit with those sandals! Dan Cathy tried to convince the Son of God to buy his shoes from Gucci but Jesus just likes those foot washes with used chicken oil too much.

 

In the process of running his “Biblical Company”, he has Jesus running through his notes trying to find that place where he said something—anything—about homosexuality being bad and tossing them under the bus while donating $2 million of his plutocratic family owned corporation’s money to organizations such as National Organization for Marriage and the America Family Association so that the Reverend Bryan Fischer can wage his “war on homosexuals”, as he compares us to the Muslim Brotherhood and Nazis.

 

Dan Cathy blowing Gabriel's horn. I wonder who else he blows?

As Dan Cathy seeks to destroy the arteries of every American in the hopes they can deliver messages to Jesus about how well he’s combating homosexuality in the United States and delivering fresh souls into heaven who believe in God, Jesus and the Holy Ghost so much they would stuff their over-bloated redneck guts with tons of Chick-Fil-A fried chicken, potato salad with enough artificial preservatives in it that there will be no need to embalm the corpse. Oh, and the chicken grease oozing out their pours just gives them styling gel to groom the hair with.

 
Pastor Harry Hardwick of the Landover Babtist Church Correctly Explains The "Hobby" of Our Homosexuality!

Dan-I say-Dan Cathy-Son
My hat is off to Dan Cathy, the man with a girl’s last name who continued a family empire built in the name of Jesus and principled after the Bible.

I wonder why Mr. Cathy cuts his hair, sideburns and why his chicken chain serves meat on Fridays.

Stephanie DonaldI say, I say, son! If you’re a chicken hawk then you need to learn how to hunt, boy! All you do is talk, talk, talk! Never let me get a word in edge-wise!

By Stephanie Donald
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