In A Midnight Bright

Toast the New YearAs I sit here just a few hours before 2012 ticks off into 2013 and the old man gets his due retirement and we get to raise societies new infant year, I can’t help but reflect on the past year’s events—or perhaps anti-climax might be a better word for it, regarding a year of fist-fights at the Presidential debates, with Mitt Romney smirking like the proverbial chimpanzee, and Barack Obama starting out the first round like a sway-back nag at the Preakness. It was about the largest entertainment of the season.

I had no doubt that whether or not we would plunge over the fiscal cliff would ever be an issue. President Obama used the same hutzpah he applied to his re-election to making absolutely sure that everyone from one end of this marvelously maniacal nation to the other knows that if the fiscal talks broke down then it just has to be because of the Republicans. Meanwhile, the Republicans are not doing so much in-fighting these days they have a banner nor a flag and they look more like Hulk Hogan trying to tear a real tee-shirt off his back instead of the prop ones at his advanced age!

 

Whom else should I thank for this past year?

Oh yes! Kudos to Congressman Todd Akin for being the absolute dumbest hayseed, Podunk, redneck moron on The Hill (but fortunately not for long!)! His insights into female anatomy were quite enlightening to me even considering my middle-aged condition. Hopefully, his Democratic replacement will give us some more realistic impressions of the horror a woman feels when she’s being raped and completely helpless. The only problem with losing Todd Akin is that it’s always easier to poke fun at 20 lbs. of stupid than it is to actually have a legitimate candidate in office.

 

I have come to wonder if some of these Republicans who are getting elected aren’t the result of a bunch of Bevis & Butthead type-kids who just came of voting age who walk into the voting booth and voted according to the candidates association with the word “sex”.

“He like said ‘abortion’ and that’s like saying ‘pussy’ so I voted for him! Now I want some TP for my po-po!”

 

Perhaps this entire nightmare from Bush to Michelle Bachmann could have been avoided, if only we had just not aired that horrible television show Beavis & Butthead! That poor generation of kids was taught how to light farts, drink bong water and drop change on the floor as an excuse to look up women’s dresses!

Now why isn’t Bryan Fisher screaming bloody murder about Mike Judge instead of trying to say that someone’s God would be cruel enough to kill 20 six-year-old children and six adults who tried to protect them because the United States is built on the principle of separation of church and state and doesn’t force children to all pray to one deity, which is the ultimate goal of the fundamentalist Christians. Instead, Bryan Fisher would try to paint with a large brush and say that somehow we “banned” prayer in public schools, as if we ever allowed it to begin with, then drop this giant knife of idiocy that he and only he knows why his God does anything because they do lunch at Trader Vick’s every Tuesday.

This was a year filled with horrific murders, one right after the other, that began numbing America and that’s never a good thing. If we become so used to people being slaughtered wholesale, then it will have to take even larger events to get everyone’s attention. Instead of shooting up a movie theater, they blow up the whole mall while they’re standing in the middle of it after leaving a suicide note they recorded on YouTube.

Then what happens if we get numb to that? Do we have to segue way to blowing up whole cities with homemade nukes or biological weapons? I guess the ultimate mind thrill would be the total extinction of the human race—at least for the split second before the last person kicks off and with their last gasp mumbles, “Oh wow, man!” Just thinking of this reminds me of the crazed look of Brad Pitt in the movie Twelve Monkeys.

 

2012 was at its best a mediocre year and at its worst a year that made me as a journalist want to vomit.

Nothing major happened in the gay civil rights movement; however, there are those who would say this was a wonderful year for the LGBT community since it all centered around marriage equality but then those who are pursuing marriage equality never think about the other 80% of our community that has absolutely no interest in getting married and are more worried about getting fired, getting evicted and getting dragged behind a pick-up truck simply for being gay or transgender.

Speaking of journalistic nightmares: Shall we spin yarns in years to come of the wonderful people at Associated Press who think that the word “homophobia” is both inaccurate (another way of saying the condition doesn’t exist at all) and overused, then less than a week later uses “homophobia” twice in separate articles. Sorry, folks but you might not like to admit that homophobia exists or is accurate but if you want to swim in our pond then you have to play by our rules.

Another journalistic nightmare is the two words, “fiscal cliff”. I could go the rest of my life without hearing those words ever again. All it makes me want to do is push Ben Bernanke over the first cliff I can find.

The one thing I can say with steadfast certainty is that 2013 is going to be wonderful year. Like Bob Dylan sang a very long time, The Times They are a Changing…

 

By Stephanie DonaldStephanie Donald

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