More Down-Home Wisdom From Sister Grammy Bell

Sister_Grammy_BellSister Grammy BellSenior Deacon of The First Baptist Church of Cornole

An LGBT-Today Exclusive

 

Sorry for the long delay on writing another thingy for Pastor Graham. My grandson decided he wanted to take a trip to California and said he was flying to LAX.

I checked every map I had and I can’t find no LAX anywhere on it but I figure it has to be a real place cause that must be the city where they make Ex-LAX. I told my grandson to pick me up some. When you get older, you ain’t as regular as you used to be!

When my grandson got back, he didn’t bring me no Ex-LAX, but he said he did see Lindsay Lohan—for about two seconds—cause she done run over his foot as he was crossing the street in Hollywood while she was a drivin’ around in some foreign car convertible!

I asked my grandson what the car converted into but he just gave me one those “looks”, like I was dumber than throwing matches down the glory hole in the outhouse!

Pastor Graham says I’m doing good writing these things. He says love is always the right thing to do—even when it comes to homo-sexuals. He said he would write himself but he’s too busy trying to minister to the folks up in the mountain passes who can’t get down to the church.

He done told me that some of them ain’t been out of their homes in 100 years! That got me to thinking cause I know they had kids up in those Arkansas hills and if they didn’t meet some new people from the outside..well, I wanted to see for myself so I went on the trip with Pastor Graham last week to see the Limbaugh family. I heard about them but never met any afore.

When we got there—mercy me! Everyone looked exactly the same! Even the women! I mean the men all had long beards and so did the women and the children! The same beady little eyes, pot bellies and every one of them passed wind when they walked and Lord did it stink! It sounded like the steam engine that used to run out of Altus when I was a young’un!

I asked Pa Limbaugh if any of them ever looked for wives outside of the holler afore and he told me that only one time he heard about a cousin, Rush, who left to seek his fortune elsewhere but Pa Limbaugh said that even when he was a young’un that he was mean cuss. He never had a kind word to say about anybody!

When I got back and told my grandson about it, he told me that Rush Limbaugh was a famous spokesperson for every hateful person in these United States and showed me a picture of him and darned if he didn’t look exactly like all them other Limbaugh’s without the beard! His relatives would have thought he looked like a gussied up city-slicker! I guess next time I go up with the pastor I’ll just have to show them a picture of their Cousin Rush!

 

Looking at that picture of Cousin Rush reminds me that I gotta go slop the hogs!

Y’all remember to live right and maybe you can come visit me someday here in Arkansas!

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