Sister Grammy Bell Ponders “Choices”

Sister_Grammy_BellSister Grammy BellSenior Deacon of The First Baptist Church of Cornole 

Welcome back, brothers and sisters! Miss Stephanie from the magazine said everyone missed me so she asked me about this guy who claims to be a church fellow by the name of Bryan Fisher who done said that every time a gay person uses discretion in choosing their lover shows they don’t have to be gay because they can choose to be heterosexual!

Now my grandson had to tell me that a heterosexual was what I am and it suddenly come to mind that this Fischer guy was either jackass crazy or just plain mean! My grandson thinks it’s a little of both and I must admit that stupid, crazy and mean are one bad combination!

It done reminded me of how mean and stupid this couple was who used to live just up the mountain from me! Their names was Bonnie-Mae and Jim-Bob.

Jim-Bob and Bonnie-Mae was married for 25 years and they used to get into some God-awful fights! Finally, Jim-Bob wanted to kill Bonnie-Mae but he didn’t want to spend no time in jail for it so he decided to try to make it look like an accident—you know; like they do in them TV shows?

They lived in one of those old farms that didn’t have no indoor plumbing! They had one of those outhouses behind the main house with an old-fashioned moon on the door. Every now and then you had to dump some of that outhouseRed-Devil lye down the outhouse every now and then to keep the smelly stuff from backing up.

Jim-Bob decided to put gunpowder in the Red-Devil can because Bonnie-Mae had a habit of smoking her corncob pipe while she took one of her long constitutionals, so he asked her to dump the lye down the hole when she went out.

She took it out and dumped it in and after she sat down, she lit her pipe with a match and spread her legs a bit and threw the match down the hole and---blooey! That whole outhouse done blowed up!

Bonnie-Mae didn’t die though! She was a sitting on that toilet seat and she took off like one of them there rockets, straight up in the sky! She must have hung in the air longer than Michael Jordan!

She finally hit the ground with a smack and slowly weaved herself to standing up with her knickers around her ankles, pulled them up, and declared to Jim-Bob, “I’m sure glad I didn’t let that one go in the house!”

The point is that even being mean-spirited don’t get you nothing ‘cept no place to go to the bathroom!

Y’all come ‘round and visit us sometime, y’hear?


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